Banquets are the single most important way that Chinese greet friends, business colleagues, diplomats, and even enemies. If it’s a truism that all the “real business” is done outside the boardroom, for example, in pubs in England, on golf courses and squash courts in America, or during after-work drinking binges in Japan, where potential partners and rivals can interact informally and size each other up, then in China this type of relationship-building is done with banquets.
As a result, whether you go to China as a student, a tourist, a businessperson, or a returning family member from overseas, you will experience a banquet.
They differ from Western banquets in that the tables are round, not rectangular, so there is no visible head or foot. That does not mean that seating is egalitarian. Traditionally, guests of honor were seated with their backs to the wall, the hosts (or most junior members of the host’s party) with their backs exposed to the door. The legend behind this is that once in Chinese history a devious king invited his rival to a banquet, supposedly in a bid for peace. While they were eating, an assassin stepped inside the room—unseen by the guest, who had his back to the door—and stabbed the unsuspecting guest to death. From that time onward, to show true friendship, the host must have his back to the door. (Naturally, among young people, families, and close friends, such formalities need not be observed.)
Banquets are often served in private rooms within larger restaurants. One, this affords privacy. Two, this helps the host save face in case a rival banquet at a nearby table should have fancier food. In fact, many junior executives prefer to pay extra for the private banquet rooms simply to avoid any possibility of getting into an expensive ordering rivalry with a neighboring table.
Banquets in the West generally follow a set pattern of dishes, with hors d’oeuvres first, followed by a salad, perhaps a soup, main courses, then a dessert. Chinese banquets will have different kinds of foods depending upon the region and the occasion. Expect that there will be many, many courses. Traditional hospitality requires that the guests be offered far more than they could possibly finish eating. Therefore, it is wise to eat a little of each course rather than heartily indulge or you might not make it to course twenty-seven.
Banquets also are generally served “family style,” in which platters are placed on a lazy Susan that rotates in the center of the round table rather than an individual plate of food being given to each diner.
Typical menus include a set of cold dishes to begin. These might be cold boiled and salted peanuts, crunchy jellyfish noodles, sliced vegetables like lotus root or greens, one-thousand-year-old eggs (which are not really that old but are hard-boiled and prepared in sauces so they become dark and translucent), flavored seeds, sliced cold meat, and local delicacies. The next courses will most likely involve hot foods.
Nowadays the Chinese like to mix Western specialties with traditional dishes, so it’s not unusual to be served escargot sautéed in clarified butter as one course, then Chinese-style sea slug or giant prawns or lobster sashimi, then a series of beefsteaks. Raw salads have also come into vogue although once Chinese balked at eating anything uncooked. Most banquets include at least one soup, which is unlikely to be served at the beginning of the meal because soups are used to change the palate or else to finish a banquet so that one’s stomach is completely full. Little sweet cakes might also be served to change the palate in between courses. Their arrival does not signal the end of the meal by any means. Various kinds of tea also are used as palate cleansers. A whole fresh fish is considered essential for most banquets unless various other seafoods have already been served, such as whole crabs, whole prawns, eels, and so on. Fresh cold fruit generally signals the end of a banquet.
Banquet Etiquette
Even if you really don’t feel like eating something, take a sample for your plate or rice bowl. As the guest, you will be expected to be served first or serve yourself first. If you don’t take a sample, your hosts will feel awkward and will not be able to take a sample either. Servers will come and replace dirty plates with clean ones so you can let the server simply take away something if you really don’t want to eat it.
Often your hosts will make a series of toasts. Hold your glass with both hands, one flat on the bottom, the other around the base of the cup. It’s not necessary to clink glasses as one does in the West. Simply raise it with a smile toward the person making the toast then to other senior officials then to the more junior members and take a sip. If you must make a toast, simply say something friendly, such as a thank-you to your hosts for their hospitality and the lovely meal or the beautiful city you are visiting or a generic remark about your appreciation for the friendliness of the Chinese people. No need to make a business pitch, such as “Here’s hoping you choose our company and we all become very prosperous.” Generic works best in these situations.
If you really don’t like alcohol or you have an ulcer, let your hosts know and you can make your toasts with bottled water or soda pop. Women are not expected to drink as much as men. You can touch the glass of alcohol to your lips without even drinking, in fact. If you are a man, try not to drink a lot with each toast as there may be many, many toasts, and getting drunk is a distinct possibility. Also, if you down your alcohol, this will put pressure on your hosts to do the same, and it might put them in an awkward situation. They might have a full day and night of work to attend to after the meal or a long commute or they may have to write up notes about the meal for their company. Don’t inadvertently turn a banquet into a drinking contest.
Sometimes your hosts will actually put food onto your plate or rice bowl. They are giving you the choicest bits and you should thank them. Make a pretense of eating, even if you don’t really want to. It’s a polite gesture. If you notice that someone’s plate is empty or he or she seems to like a particular dish, spin the lazy Susan slowly in that direction and urge the person to have some more. Your encouragement for others to eat more is considered polite.
Banquets will end rather abruptly. Don’t expect any serious business to have been discussed. The banquet is a formality, a requirement of being a gracious host. It’s not the place where decisions are made. However, your behavior will be observed, and your trustworthiness as a human being also judged.
Banquet Nightmares
Most Chinese do not yet have any understanding of the Western concept of “being on a diet.” After one hundred fifty years of war and political struggles, the Chinese associate being too thin with being unhealthy. Most Chinese are proud to put on a little girth. (Unfortunately, China now has the second highest obesity rate in the world, behind the United States, so attitudes at some point will have to change as unhealthy eating patterns brought upon by new prosperity will lead to health problems. However, that day has not yet come for most Chinese.)
But if you are on a diet and you are at a banquet, there are some things you can do to keep from blowing your diet at every meal. First, let your hosts know you have certain food “allergies” or food “restrictions.” Blame your doctor. Your Chinese hosts don’t want to kill you even though they might be serving you an extremely high-cholesterol meal and you have heart disease. A very effective means of saving their face and your diet is to take what is offered, eat (or pretend to eat) a tiny bit, and then say, “Oh, this is so delicious, but I mustn’t eat more. My doctor absolutely forbids it. But I just wanted a little taste.” Your hosts will feel that they have given you a secret pleasure but they won’t insist you eat more of something dangerous to your health.
How to Avoid Eating Unbearable Things
Another situation might arise where you are served something you just frankly cannot bear to eat. It might be those fried eels with their little faces staring up at you from your rice bowl. Or fresh young quails on a stick that appear to have been fried in oil while still alive, judging by the death grimaces on their faces. Or maybe snake just isn’t your thing. Here being a foreigner comes in handy. You can feign chopstick incompetence. If they put something on your plate and you can’t bear it, move those chopsticks like crazy but just drop that stuff before it ever reaches your mouth. Your hosts will be so embarrassed for you, you will become truly invisible. If perchance your hosts should send a server from the restaurant your way to assist you, simply whisper to the server to please take your plate away. The server won’t lose face—he or she didn’t order this food, after all. Thus, it’s a culturally safe way to get rid of something you just don’t want to put into your mouth.
A banquet is not a good time to lecture your hosts about what you consider appropriate to eat. For example, you may find shark fin soup personally offensive. But until you know your hosts extremely well and you can all talk about personal matters with ease, denouncing the Chinese practice of eating shark fin soup midbanquet is not going to help anyone. It’s too late to save the shark, it will embarrass your hosts, and your behavior will most likely be read as immature as opposed to rational and convincing.
If you are in a more informal situation, such as on a tour, let your guide know about food preferences early on, such as vegetarianism or allergies. If something unpleasant comes up later on the tour, which you didn’t anticipate, you can always bring up that you have a “restricted diet.” One family friend of ours was served Peking duck at every single lunch and dinner banquet he attended on a three-week tour of China. As a result, he never wants to eat it again as long as he lives. If you find a similar pattern happening to you, tell your guide that you need to vary your diet and your doctor will be upset if you eat Peking duck at every meal because it is very rich. Ask for some blander food—such as fresh greens or a fish—and say something like “Peking duck is a wonderful luxury but my doctor warned me I must stay away from duck. I’ll enjoy watching everyone else eat it, but I’m afraid I must make this special request. Sorry to trouble you.” This way you save your guide’s face—you’re not blaming him or her for ordering the same damn food at every meal, or accusing the guide of trying to ratchet up the price or, who knows, help out a restaurant owner/secret partner by bringing a tour group to the restaurant then consistently ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. All of these are possibilities, but no point in bringing them up. Politeness and an appeal to your own health issues will most likely get you the food you want.
True Health Concerns
Finally, if you have severe allergies, naturally you should tell your hosts first and foremost before any meal. They will gladly accommodate you and tell the chef to prepare special dishes just for you. The Chinese want a banquet to leave a good impression. Even friends of ours with life-threatening peanut allergies, diabetes, shellfish allergies, MSG reactions, and such have gone to China and had many enjoyable banquets. Just let your hosts know any special dietary requirements in advance.
Written by May-lee Cahi and Winberg Chai in "China A to Z : Everything You Need to Know to Understand Chinese Customs and Culture", Plume (Published by the Penguin Group) USA, 2014, excerpts chapter 4. Digitized, adapted and illustrated to be posted by Leopoldo Costa.